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Loving a Fragile Woman | How To Heal My Marriage

Updated: Jan 10, 2022

I believe women are very strong and unique. Especially the one’s who actually embrace their inner strength. But that’s another lesson for another day. Growing up I saw how my mother took care of her household. I personally believe she has done everything in her strength and power to make sure all of us were taken care of. What can I say; she’s a strong woman (insert smile). But let me share something with you. While I first experienced the strength of a woman through my mother, I didn’t fully understand that strength until I married my beautiful best friend. I’ve seen just how strong they really are through my wife.

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Women have the ability to physically carry the very thing that helps keep this world from falling apart, which is life. While God has given women the strength to carry something so precious and valuable, there are things some women experience in life, which sometimes causes them to abort life before it begins. No, I’m not referring to natural abortion; I’m talking about aborting the purpose God planted inside of you. That seed that is designed to collide with your destiny, causing everything that was intended for you to manifest in your life. Matter of fact, this is the reason why the enemy attacks women when they're young. If he can kill purpose before you come into the revelation of your identity, he potentially kills every nation that you’re designed to give birth to. This is the abortion I’m talking about.

I don’t want to ignore that fact that some of our women have experienced sexual trauma that now prevents them from being able to physically carry life. This in itself upsets me thinking about it. To be honest, that’s an entire book by itself. While there are so many different types of trauma someone can experience, I believe physical abuse could very well have a two-fold affect. Someone who faced this type of abuse could experience either psychological damage or physical damage.

From physical to verbal abuse, these things can really have a damaging affect on anybody experiencing such traumas. I would like to focus on the fragileness of some of our women, as it relates to them having to live through wholeness. I’m not talking about a physical weakness, but rather psychological pain many have suffered in their childhood and in some instances, adulthood. My hope is to bring you a new perspective of loving a fragile woman. I’m aware that we all handle trauma differently. The way I navigate in my marriage is tailored to how I understand my wife. How I understand her deepest pain. This book is designed to open your mind. Hopefully at the conclusion of this book, you will have looked internally at yourself.

"Truth is, you can’t help someone walk in wholeness if you fail to acknowledge your own brokenness".
-Samuel Tolbert

Throughout this book I will reveal to you some of my struggles as a husband and also, some of the challenges my wife and I had to face together. You will began to see how important honesty is in a marriage. Some of those hard topics you really don’t want to discussion are usually the ones that can help pull you and your spouse through deliverance and freedom.

As you will see from my experience, it’s not easy. I personally had to make up in my mind, that I wanted to see my wife healed and walking in wholeness. I’m not talking about being healed from a physical sickness. The truth is my wife was psychologically broken. She was fragile. There was so much she experienced in her life, which brought her to a place of uncertainty, disappointment, fear, anxiety, self-hate and more. God decided to use and work through me, to help bring her through deliverance. Bring her into complete wholeness. But, why me?

I know I’m not the only one who has asked this question before. Let me help you. Why not you? I wasn’t sure if I was qualified or not. I was still dealing with my own internal issues at the time. I had just gotten out of a relationship that left me questioning so much. There was internal healing and deliverance I had to get through. How in the world was I supposed to help someone fight, while at the same time working to keep my sanity? The thing about it, I wasn’t in a good place when I met my wife, and she really had no idea. I will share that journey with you in another book of mine.

Some of you are probably asking what does this have to do with loving a fragile woman? Everything! Let’s be honest, how can you help someone heal but you’re still fighting for your life? How can you love someone properly if you’re still trying to understand what is real love? When I met my wife, I was mentally in a bad place. I was broken too. You mean to tell me God had a plan to use two broken people to bring healing to a broken world? Do you know how powerful this is?

| Where Is God?

I know some of you who are reading this are probably trying to make sense of your life. Why did God allow me to go through so much? Where was God when I needed Him the most? Let me help you, some things we will never fully understand. But one thing I do know is, God finds a way to get the glory out of some of the messiest situations. Don’t get me wrong. I know this is easier said than seen and understood.

I had to learn that in order for God to use me beyond my maximum capacity, I had to give everything I was and everything I am to Him. I had to even give Him my deepest hurt and pain. Understand, the moment you give up control, is the moment God begins to use those broken pieces to produce Glory out of it. This is important on so many levels. If I wanted to see my wife walk in complete wholeness, I couldn’t allow my brokenness to determine how I handled her. I had to handle her with care.

I’m sure you all are familiar with the symbol that is seen on a delivered package. The symbol of what appears to be a broken glass. This is a warning to let you know that something fragile is in the package and to handle with care. My wife was fragile and there were so many warnings to let me know that I couldn’t handle her like any other relationships in my past. I had to learn how to treat her as she walks into wholeness.

“broken people do broken things”

The statement is true, “broken people do broken things”. In other words, if I didn’t take my healing and deliverance seriously, I could’ve potentially pushed my wife further into a dark place. The fact is I had to heal too. I didn’t want this book to highlight the brokenness of my wife and not expose my internal battle in the mind. If you thought I was going to give you this three-step plan to understanding a fragile woman, you’re wrong. In fact, how can you try to understand someone else, if you don’t even understand yourself? I had to learn that in order for me to help my wife heal, I had to face myself. I had to ask God to show me who I was.

During those times, I had to really seek God for my life. I would ask the question “Who am I?” I realized my pains didn’t define who I was, and the people around me certainly didn’t define who God designed me to be. Men, this is very important. If you really want to help your wife heal, find your identity. She needs you to be who God called you to be. Know and be confident in the fact that your identity is only found in Him. When you step into the revelation of who He is in your life, God will reveal to you who He made you to be. He will also allow you to see a glimpse of where He’s taking you. There’s power and authority in knowing who you are.

I had to really become confident in my identity. While He was showing me who I am, He was also preparing me for my wife. My wife was damaged. I didn’t know how fragile she was until she began to open up to me. Once my wife and I got married, that wasn’t the time for me to start going through an identity crisis. In order to understand how to love a fragile woman, I had to be certain in who I was.

Many of our women have gone through so much pain in their life. Some carry that hurt for years, failing to fully heal and recover. It has even caused them to become fragile and often broken. The thing about it, what you often see on the outside is different from who they are on the inside. We tend to fall in love with what a woman projects to be, you know, the make up and the laid hair. We even fall in love with their success. You have no idea what she’s battling with in her mind. Unfortunately, we as men can be so disconnected that we miss her silent cries. In the book I explain exactly what I’m talking about.

In today’s world, I can only imagine how difficult it is finding someone who loves you for who you are. That is someone who not only loves the pleasant things about you but who could also have patient with you while you’re seeking wholeness. Outside of physical appearances, there’s an emotional side we often ignore. You’re usually not aware of the traumatic experiences someone has gone through, until that individual begins speaking or crying out from an emotionally shattered place. At that point, you can no longer ignore those signs of brokenness. You then must deal with it.

My wife told me how she would tell men who were interested in her, “you can’t handle me”. Crazy thing about it, they all thought she was speaking of whether or not they could handle her in bed. The truth is, my wife was fragile when I met her. Now, I didn’t know how badly my wife was hurting at the time. I would later find out that I had to handle her in a special way. Through experience, I personally had to become the emotional support for my wife, as we both journeyed the road to wholeness.

Throughout this book, I share my approach in loving a fragile woman. I provide insight on ways of recognizing and understanding a woman’s deepest pain. I also open up to you, by explaining some of the challenges my wife and I faced in our marriage. The fact is, my wife was damaged and needed someone who could handle her with care. In addition to my wife’s brokenness, I was also dealing with my own issues. Truth is I had skeletons I had to expose and release. This was the only way I could assist my wife with her healing process.

I didn’t know how vital my role was as her husband, until she began to fully trust and open herself up to me. She started showing me what her heart really looked like. The secrets she held onto for years were like cancer. It was slowly killing her. Once we got married, I didn’t know how powerfully God was going to use me to help her walk through wholeness. Because she was broken, I was willing to do anything to see her live in total freedom. We had to heal together. READ MORE......


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